O

2017

Monologue. English translation by James Manley

When it’s all over, nothing but glitter remains. It will cover the surface of the Earth, settle over all things, fill all pits and cavities. The Earth will be a giant disco ball, smooth, shiny, glowing in space.

 

You say:

Meteorites.

You say: Stardust.

You say I lack the power of abstraction. Metaphors often do.

 

The Moon

Draws the water to her, drives it away, over and over and over again

Driving people mad

Solace for our stepping on her

 

1+1=2, you say

But 1+1 has never been 2

There are no numbers

No numbers that endure

All dikes burst in the long run

No surfaces are sealed

No cuts are clean

 

I am the mist that rolls over the waves out there

Floats around in time

Where we live our lives.

Rolling in

Rolling out

Washing in

Splashing wet

 

The secret space

That you’d so like to own

Where you’d so like to go back

 

We overflow

The blood in the veins

I am the earth. I am the mist, I am the night, I am the depths. The deepest depths, bottomless and empty. In a bikini, in evening dress, in leather, in a training suit, everyday and fancy dress. Not naked, not dressed, we take our secrets to the grave when we die, buried in our own bodies, in the bog, all the way down.

 

And I feel, feel, feel myself beneath your feet

 

Floating

Undulating

 

Black as earth

Black as

Night night night

Half moon full moon rising sinking

Swelling

 

The dirty business that is repeated every month: there are children who cry for hours when they find out they’re doomed to it. My hair, milk, eggs, teeth, skin, I can stretch and shrink, swell up and cave in, pant with the heat, mysterious even to myself, inscrutable, hidden, irregular, damp, dangerous, I am the other side of everything, the anti-matter that sucks you in, exhalation to your inhalation, the bog beneath your shoes, the treachery of the marshes, the black water beneath the ice that breaks. The big shiny eyes, the wet snout, the heavy udders. Can’t make a promise, can’t keep it, have no core, no base, can only se seen from the outside. Fundamentally unreliable, false, put on your surname as soon as I can.

 

Mohini, Lilith, Scylla, I am the negative, the Sphinx, I am the lioness with the head of Hat­shep­sut, alabaster body, claws dug into the sand, asking questions without meaning, speaking in riddles, tearing out your heart, saying no and meaning yes. Never alone, always in company with my own image. When I walk, I am the image of a walking body, when I weep I am sorrow.

 

I, I, I, makes no sense except as an echo, I send it back where it came from. Live on reflected light. Half the world is always dark.

 

Take me, take me, I lie here waiting, mouth full of earth and teeth. Breathe life into me, I hardly exist. A vessel of motionless matter, a plaything of mechanical moods, an uncultivated landscape, a half-finished thing, with no will but to be wanted.

OOOOOOO

Give me your troubles
I’ll keep them with mine

 

What’s that colour
Forming around your eyes?

Eyes like wells

Eyes like mirrors

Sink

Down down down, longer, longer, longer

The weight of the hands

The weight of the feet

Sleeping gas

Ssssssssssssssssss

 

The name you gave me slips away easily, I am invisible when you turn away your gaze, merge with the background, vanish into the shadows, into the indistinct, intangible, unassai­lable. I was here first.

 

Counting is magical, if anything human can be. For numbers are something no one has ever seen or heard or known. Take hold of me. Feel here. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be shy.

I feel my legs, stretching beneath my skin, stretching out my skin

I draw a ring in your hand / Draw a ring in your hand

 

Everything flows

Everything

We are in all places at all times

The body before the name

Always old always new

Watch the boundaries fall like dominoes

The first becomes the second and then the third or all at once, melting together

Your language one big jumble, we watch you clinging to it

 

A school of fish, we glimmer like silver under the surface, glitter

Piranhas

Open mouths

Thousands